Back at work again. I have so little time at home for my family and just relaxing I find it hard to do to much of anything else. Tonight I am working what we call a "specail detail". However I have found I have spare time and not too much else to do. Tommorrow I actually have a day off but I have to drive my mother to Lake Worth for a doctors appointment and I have to finish my tax return. I thought all I had to do was get all my papers organinzed but I was going over my 1040 and it's not right. I have a dreadful feeling when I go back and try to fix my mistake I will go from getting back money to owing. I hate owing money to the IRS I really do.
Next month I might get lucky and not have to work as much or I should say there will not be as much overtime to work. The schedule is not out yet but there are 5 other people on my shift that need overtime and I have to share I am not the only one with a mortgage and rising escrow accounts. Everyone I know is getting hit hard by out of control insurance and property taxes. The only bright spot at this moment is I get a raise the first of April. The will either help a little or throw me into the next tax bracket. With my luck her lately I am betting on the next tax bracket. Fred has been working without a contract since October. The PBA finalized the contract two weeks ago and it was suppose to go up in front of the commissioners Monday. I think they did everything but that. Fred is looking at an 8% increase which will help.
I remember not to long ago (before my escrow almost doubled) planning on purchasing a used R.V and researching a summer trip across Route 66. Now I dont think we will be able to afford more than a few weekends trips if that. It will be another long summer spent at home trying to make ends meet and playing the lottery. I am so thankful we have a pool.
I started a small garden last month and I actually have tomatoes growing. I planted 2 Jalopeno bushes and a rosemary bush. I hope to plant more jalopenos and herbs my next weekend off. Downside is I have discovered tomatoe worms. They are yucky. They just eat the leaves so the fruit is still good but I jhave got to get rid of them before they spread. I figure if I dont kill what I already have planted I might branch out to salad greens. I can grow those all year long.....
Until next time.....
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Busy Busy Busy
Busy Busy Busy
I am not sure what I am running on anymore. I ran out of steam about a week ago and I think desperation is the only thing that keeps me going. I am averaging about 60 to 65 hours a week at work and its killing me both physically and mentally. Physically from the seditary aspect of my job, I sit in an office chair for 12 to 16 hours a day. I get a 10 minute break every two hours that a rarely take and we eat out all the time. I get motivated every once in a while and brown bag it but I never seem to have enough time in the morning to make anything. Okay I never make enough time to make anything is what I should say, sleep is so much more important. On top of being inactive at work, I do little at home. On those long days that I work, I go home eat, play on my computer/watch T.V. and then pass out. My exercise consists of walking from one chair to another and the occasional tossing and turning in bed. On my days off when I am not recouperating and trying to recapture my sanity I am cleaning and doing laundry. I have to admit that I do spend much of my free time playing WOW. I have my lvl 64 Elven Hunter 'Falchion' that has to make lvl 70 soon. I call it therapy.
And therapy is what I need badly.
I am mentally exhausted. My brain is fried. I truly hate people. I want to be a hermit.
The 911 center I work for is a catch all. We dispatch animal control and code enforcement alnog with Law Enforcement and EMS. We are one stop shopping. We are the Walmart of St. Lucie County complaints. Sometimes it is ridiculus what people expect 911 to do. Please get comfortable because I fell like a good rant.........
Now I have to admit many people who call 911 do so because they have no other choice and feel guilty when they do. I cant tell you how many times I have listened to people tell me this is not an emergency but they told me I had to call or shock and dismay when they learn that they have been transferred to 911. these are not the people I am reffering to. I loathe the people that start in on you before you can even finish "911 Police , Fire or Rescue!" and it's for something silly. Maybe silly is not a good word but it is the one I am going to use today.
I spoke to two people thuis week about the garbage in their yard. one lady wanted to give me tag numbers of the offenders and the second wanted me to have officers chase the children that had built a fort in the lot next to her cited for littering. I told them they could talk to officers but they refused. One lady asked me my opinion bad idea but i told her "personally I just pick up the garbage and throw it away". I have the same attitude about dog poop in my yard. I dont like it but dog's have to go too. I am not going to burst a vein over it because it is not that important. Pick it up and go on with your day unless you step in it then of course curse until your hearts content because now you have a reason to be upset just dont call 911 because it still not an emergency. It is an unpleasant fact of life and shit will wash off.
I have to go back to the other caller with trash in her yard. She was upset because the children have built a fort and worn a path in the vacant lot next to her yard, they were dragging trash onto the lot (club house) and it was getting on her property. The only problem I could see that officers might investigate is a trespassing but the owner of the lot was not complaining. There maybe a code enforcement issue for building without a permit but I am pretty sure they over look this types of structures unless it is obviously a hazard. I let her list all her complaints but all she was basically doing was complianing about them playing. I am blunt and asked her "your calling because the children are playing?" She immediately replied "yes".
I was silent for a few moments then asked her if there was anything else I could do for her. She hung up.
The road ragers or the tattle tellers as I sometimes like to call them drive me nuts. Understand the road rage is serious business, people get killed or seriously injured in these types of calls but dont call in because someone pulled out in front of you and made you hit your brakes. He almost hit me or almost ran me off the rd is not the same as he did hit me or he did run me off the rd. Agressive drivers are a dime a dozen these days and I agree if the vehicle is obviously reckless please call 911and please know where you are before you do so. Now if you have spent the last 10 minutes flipping each other off and cursing each other but dont want to talk to an officer you might be a tattle teller. Please dont call 911 and tattle because you see someone doing the same thing you get a ticket for like not using your blinker or not making a complete stop at a stop sign, ect...... the officers will catch up to them eventually its just a matter of karma. I'm not going to get into speeding we all do it calling in speeders like everything else is a judgement call.
I have to touch on the animla lovers. I have 3 dogs, a cat, a rat, and a rabbit. I love animals just as much as any animal owner however they are animals and as much as I love them I will save my children before I do my pets if it comes down to life and death. It is the same with 911 human life takes priority to animals there are no execeptions. In my little part of the world we do not have an animal ambulance, animal control dose not work 24/7 and when they do they like everyone else must try to adhere to the speed limits and rules of the road. I understand that your neighbors dog is loose again but dont scream at me about it because I dont care. I have a hard enough time just keeping my own dogs in the yards. I actually have a hard time keeping them inthe house. Butch as old as he is still tries to escape he leaves no open door or unlocked window uninspected.
I can come up with a miriad of things to complain about and in essence I am just like the ones how call in and complain but I prefer to do my bitching on the internet. I do feel better now that I vented a little. I am sure there will be more of this as I dont see my schedule changing any time soon. Maybe I will get motivated and writre something interesting. I switch to midnights soon so maybe I will get the chance.......
I am not sure what I am running on anymore. I ran out of steam about a week ago and I think desperation is the only thing that keeps me going. I am averaging about 60 to 65 hours a week at work and its killing me both physically and mentally. Physically from the seditary aspect of my job, I sit in an office chair for 12 to 16 hours a day. I get a 10 minute break every two hours that a rarely take and we eat out all the time. I get motivated every once in a while and brown bag it but I never seem to have enough time in the morning to make anything. Okay I never make enough time to make anything is what I should say, sleep is so much more important. On top of being inactive at work, I do little at home. On those long days that I work, I go home eat, play on my computer/watch T.V. and then pass out. My exercise consists of walking from one chair to another and the occasional tossing and turning in bed. On my days off when I am not recouperating and trying to recapture my sanity I am cleaning and doing laundry. I have to admit that I do spend much of my free time playing WOW. I have my lvl 64 Elven Hunter 'Falchion' that has to make lvl 70 soon. I call it therapy.
And therapy is what I need badly.
I am mentally exhausted. My brain is fried. I truly hate people. I want to be a hermit.
The 911 center I work for is a catch all. We dispatch animal control and code enforcement alnog with Law Enforcement and EMS. We are one stop shopping. We are the Walmart of St. Lucie County complaints. Sometimes it is ridiculus what people expect 911 to do. Please get comfortable because I fell like a good rant.........
Now I have to admit many people who call 911 do so because they have no other choice and feel guilty when they do. I cant tell you how many times I have listened to people tell me this is not an emergency but they told me I had to call or shock and dismay when they learn that they have been transferred to 911. these are not the people I am reffering to. I loathe the people that start in on you before you can even finish "911 Police , Fire or Rescue!" and it's for something silly. Maybe silly is not a good word but it is the one I am going to use today.
I spoke to two people thuis week about the garbage in their yard. one lady wanted to give me tag numbers of the offenders and the second wanted me to have officers chase the children that had built a fort in the lot next to her cited for littering. I told them they could talk to officers but they refused. One lady asked me my opinion bad idea but i told her "personally I just pick up the garbage and throw it away". I have the same attitude about dog poop in my yard. I dont like it but dog's have to go too. I am not going to burst a vein over it because it is not that important. Pick it up and go on with your day unless you step in it then of course curse until your hearts content because now you have a reason to be upset just dont call 911 because it still not an emergency. It is an unpleasant fact of life and shit will wash off.
I have to go back to the other caller with trash in her yard. She was upset because the children have built a fort and worn a path in the vacant lot next to her yard, they were dragging trash onto the lot (club house) and it was getting on her property. The only problem I could see that officers might investigate is a trespassing but the owner of the lot was not complaining. There maybe a code enforcement issue for building without a permit but I am pretty sure they over look this types of structures unless it is obviously a hazard. I let her list all her complaints but all she was basically doing was complianing about them playing. I am blunt and asked her "your calling because the children are playing?" She immediately replied "yes".
I was silent for a few moments then asked her if there was anything else I could do for her. She hung up.
The road ragers or the tattle tellers as I sometimes like to call them drive me nuts. Understand the road rage is serious business, people get killed or seriously injured in these types of calls but dont call in because someone pulled out in front of you and made you hit your brakes. He almost hit me or almost ran me off the rd is not the same as he did hit me or he did run me off the rd. Agressive drivers are a dime a dozen these days and I agree if the vehicle is obviously reckless please call 911and please know where you are before you do so. Now if you have spent the last 10 minutes flipping each other off and cursing each other but dont want to talk to an officer you might be a tattle teller. Please dont call 911 and tattle because you see someone doing the same thing you get a ticket for like not using your blinker or not making a complete stop at a stop sign, ect...... the officers will catch up to them eventually its just a matter of karma. I'm not going to get into speeding we all do it calling in speeders like everything else is a judgement call.
I have to touch on the animla lovers. I have 3 dogs, a cat, a rat, and a rabbit. I love animals just as much as any animal owner however they are animals and as much as I love them I will save my children before I do my pets if it comes down to life and death. It is the same with 911 human life takes priority to animals there are no execeptions. In my little part of the world we do not have an animal ambulance, animal control dose not work 24/7 and when they do they like everyone else must try to adhere to the speed limits and rules of the road. I understand that your neighbors dog is loose again but dont scream at me about it because I dont care. I have a hard enough time just keeping my own dogs in the yards. I actually have a hard time keeping them inthe house. Butch as old as he is still tries to escape he leaves no open door or unlocked window uninspected.
I can come up with a miriad of things to complain about and in essence I am just like the ones how call in and complain but I prefer to do my bitching on the internet. I do feel better now that I vented a little. I am sure there will be more of this as I dont see my schedule changing any time soon. Maybe I will get motivated and writre something interesting. I switch to midnights soon so maybe I will get the chance.......
Monday, February 26, 2007
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Award winning photographers live in my house.
The St Lucie County Fair is here and Fred and Elizabeth both entered photographs into the Art Show. Beth took first place and two second place prizes in Division 1 Juniors. Fred took a first place in Division 2 Adult. I am not sure what the category's are and at this point I dont care I am just very proud of my photographers. They both have a natural talent and it is wonderful see them get recognition for that talent. I looked for the pictures this morning I really wanted to post them but I ran out of time. Maybe tonight...........maybe.....
Sunday, February 18, 2007
My Anniversay and No Snow Here!!!!
It’s cold and we have had a few rain showers but nothing major. I just wanted to post a picture of a beautiful winter day on the beach with crisp refreshing breezes, a gorgeous blue and mostly clear sky. I wish I had more time to enjoy the beach but I am back at work “grinding” the overtime. I am averaging about 25 hours a week O.T. and hope to keep up this pace as long as I can. Bills have to be paid and I have too many things I need to do this year.
I hate being broke but what do you do…….
On a brighter note……today is my 17th wedding anniversary. I have to work all day because for some reason I keep thinking my anniversary is on the 19th so silly me I take an O.T. slot. I really wanted to go to Benihannas so last night we dressed up and enjoyed a wonderful meal. We have talked about going for years but something always came up but I was determined to go this year. After a few minor glitches (Fred lost his debit card) we finally made it to the restaurant 15 minutes early. We had drinks at the bar and watch the chefs make sushi. We sat with a family who were celebrating a birthday they were nice but not real chatty. The chef was awesome and the food was very good so good that we plan to return next month for someones???? birthday.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Huguenot Memorial Park
What a great day we had. We rode up to Jacksonville today taking Highway A1A through Ponte Vedra. I can not believe how much has changed in the past 30 years. I remember the stretch between St Augustine and Jax Beach spotted with stilt houses built up on the dune line and then miles and miles of sea oats and palm scrub. There is now a short stretch of pristine beaches between very expensive and very modern multistory homes ranging upwards into the million dollar range I’m sure. Ponte Vedra a once small town just south of Jacksonville Beach has grown into a thriving community with a very high tax base. PSL has nothing on this small town. We stopped at a convenience store that carried a several different flavors of coffee blends, a nice wine collection and a fresh flower cooler.
“Stepford wives” was one quips we heard from the back seat.
As we drove through Jacksonville Beach I was a little upset to find that I recognized very little so many things have changed. There is no more boardwalk. We rode out towards Mayport, I thought it would be nice to take the ferry over to St Georges. Funny thing is that as we were crossing there was a news crew there. Apparently the mayor of Jacksonville is debating closing down the ferry because of high diesel prices and the news crew was there filming. Our Yukon can be seen in several pictures. Okay the bumper front and then back was seen in several frames. Too bad they did not talk to us. What a great story. I took that ferry several times as a child and almost 30 years later here I am taking my children across on the ferry. Now there’s a news story.
We visited the Huguenot Memorial Beach and let both the girls try out their driving skills. They were happy. We sat on the south side of the inlet few a little while letting Fred take pictures of jetty and he took some shots of the ships docked at NAS Mayport. They seem to be under pretty high security a helicopter flew over us on a regular basis. Fred just knew we were going to get stopped and checked. He was using his long range lens on his camera and I have always thought he was very suspicious looking.
We then drove over to the Kingsley Plantation and walked around until we could not stand the cold anymore. We took the ferry back across and then had a very large lunch at Sticky Fingers. We love their ribs. I guess we should be thankful there is not one closer to home. We called it a day and headed back towards St Augustine. Fred took over 200 pictures today. I took a few but it was so cold out; the wind made it worse. My legs still hurt from the lighthouse. I don’t think they will ever be the same. We head back towards home tomorrow. It will be great to sleep in my own bed but there is such a long list of things I have to do I almost regret going home.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
The Lighthouse and the Ghost Walk
St Augustine has a very rich history including ghosts. We wanted to take the midnight tour Friday night but it was too cold. So we hoped to try again last night. Rains threaten our tour this time so we planned to take the 8:30 pm trip. Another cold front was threatening to blow through again. We’d spent an excellent day exploring the lighthouse, the beaches and old Fort Matanzas. I almost did not think I was going anywhere after 219 steps up and 219 steps back down the lighthouse stair but some how I managed. I hurt all over this morning.
8:30 pm finally arrived and we met the old Sheriff Guy White. He is definitely a character and a most excellent tour guide. He was funny and picked on my daughters the entire trip. It was fairly uneventful tour until we arrived at the Tolomato cemetery. The night before as we were searching for a parking space Elizabeth swore she saw someone walking around in the cemetery, we all saw what we thought was a guy in a white t-shirt walking from his vehicle to a house. I still think that is what I saw but Beth insists she saw someone moving around the grave stones. The cemetery is pretty busy. There are tours all over. We walk to a fairly secluded spot on the north side of the cemetery. I lean up against the old concrete wall. It comes up almost to my waist and I find a spot that is relatively clear of all debris. As I lean there something pokes me gently in the side twice. I turn to look and there is nothing there. A small vine is hanging down but I quickly eliminate it. It is too light to have caused the sensation I felt. There is nothing there.
I am amazed that I did not freak out or even say anything. In fact I am still trying to think of a more plausible explanation. I do believe in spirits or ghost if you will. When I was a teenager we lived with one in our house on English St in North Charleston. The cold spots the noises in the attic were not always explained away. We were lucky our spirit was nice and I believe this one was also just being a prankster.
Erin also had a little fun. Apparently she was touched by Sally the ghost and named the prettiest girl on the tour.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
St Augustine
There is nothing like a little time off from work and life as we know it. Fred took off Tuesday to visit his grandparents in Tuscaloosa while I stayed home and with girls so they would not miss a week of school. Friday being a half day we ditched and met Fred in St Augustine for an extra long weekend, we plan on returning sometime Tuesday.
We spent most of the afternoon downtown in the historic district near the main gates. We had dinner at a place called O.C. White’s recommended by a vendor. I was not impressed. Fred and Elizabeth seemed happy with their meals. They had seafood. Erin and I had steak and it was a little bland. I hate to say this but beef without kosher salt is dull. Erin and I both liberally covered our meat in table salt and it was better but still not what I wanted. Bread was served barely room temperature. Baked Potato over cooked and the vegetables were bland. Even the peppercorn sauce that my food was smothered in was a bit plain. The pepper corns were the only thing I tasted most of the time and I lick pepper but damn.
We returned to the motel and relaxed in front of the T.V. until about midnight. We planned on taking the midnight ghost tour but it was so cold we surrendered and went to Denny’s for a mid night snack, back to the room and to sleep. Another brain storm was to get up earlier about: 5:30 am and take sunrise pictures of the Castillo de San Marcos, awesome. It’s past 8:30 and my husband and children are still snuggled up in bed. I turned on the T.V. to get the weather report. It is 37 degrees outside. We all rolled over and went back to sleep for some reason we are really adverse to cold weather. It is suppose to rain tonight. Yeah……..
Monday, January 22, 2007
An Experiment in Honesty........
I read in this in Readers Digest about an experiment of sorts and I want totry it out on my friends and co-workers. I thought it would be interesting and maybe a little dangerous to find out what kind of person I have become. The article suggested to find 5 people you trust that will be honest enough to tell you exactly what they think of you good and bad. These people dont have to be your best friends or the people closest to you. Anyone who has had contact with you enough to have made an impression of what they like or dislike about you. I propose to ask myspace friends and family to do something similar. Please list 3 things you like or admire about me and then 3 things you can’t stand or irritate you about me. Send the post back to me so that maybe I can see what kind of person I have become and how I can become a better person, friend and loved one. Please be honest........
List 3 good things you like about me:
List 3 bad things you don’t like about me:
The end of the experiment explains how a person can compare all the answers and see how many are the same or similar. It's these traits in your personality that you either need to expand upon or change. I will post back with the results once the test is done. Wish me luck and Thank you!!!
Love You All ……Kathy
List 3 good things you like about me:
List 3 bad things you don’t like about me:
The end of the experiment explains how a person can compare all the answers and see how many are the same or similar. It's these traits in your personality that you either need to expand upon or change. I will post back with the results once the test is done. Wish me luck and Thank you!!!
Love You All ……Kathy
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Back on Day Shift
2nd morning back on days so far so good. Yesterday was a little rough. Both the girls made it to and from school with only a small hitch on Elizabeth's side and Fred is trying to turn my hair totally gray or give me a heart attack or both.
Beth called me at about 2:09 pm wanting to know where her Dad was. He was late. I pulled up his screen and it indicated he was on a traffic accident. Poor Beth she was like "well how am I suppose to get home?". I told her she could walk home but she did not find this humourous. Now as I am having this mundane conversation with my daughter my supervisor has been called up from to the Fort Pierce Dispatcher. I can see something is up but I am busy taking care of teen drama.
"How long is Daddy going to be?"
"I dont know let me look."
As I pull up the comments I read that this is an officer involved accident. My husband being the officer involved. I dont recall what I said exactly to my daughter but she wants to know if her Daddy is okay. I look up and my supervisor is headed my way.
"I know is he okay?"
They still dont know yet but he is on the radio and he is talking not yelling. That is always a good sign. They call out rescue to check on everyone. Long/short story he is fine. No trip to the E.R. but his car is out of commission. He was sore last night but it did not interfer with our WOW time. Burning Crusade was released Tuesday night and we have played hard since then but that is another story.
Beth was able to catch a ride home with a friend and life is more or less back to normal but toay is another day.
Beth called me at about 2:09 pm wanting to know where her Dad was. He was late. I pulled up his screen and it indicated he was on a traffic accident. Poor Beth she was like "well how am I suppose to get home?". I told her she could walk home but she did not find this humourous. Now as I am having this mundane conversation with my daughter my supervisor has been called up from to the Fort Pierce Dispatcher. I can see something is up but I am busy taking care of teen drama.
"How long is Daddy going to be?"
"I dont know let me look."
As I pull up the comments I read that this is an officer involved accident. My husband being the officer involved. I dont recall what I said exactly to my daughter but she wants to know if her Daddy is okay. I look up and my supervisor is headed my way.
"I know is he okay?"
They still dont know yet but he is on the radio and he is talking not yelling. That is always a good sign. They call out rescue to check on everyone. Long/short story he is fine. No trip to the E.R. but his car is out of commission. He was sore last night but it did not interfer with our WOW time. Burning Crusade was released Tuesday night and we have played hard since then but that is another story.
Beth was able to catch a ride home with a friend and life is more or less back to normal but toay is another day.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Sick and Tired
I think I am finally tired of being sick. The gunk in my chest is still there in the mornings and my sinus are still running and I still get tired very easily. I know I am getting older because I am beginning to like my late morning naps. I do feel better I just can't shake the weakness.
I was bad and took two days off from work. I think the stress in fact I know the stress from there just makes it worse not to mention the building itself. It may not be a sick building but it is damn near close. We spread germs around that building like a bag of chips. My new best friend is ‘Mucinex’. I would have been absolutely miserable without it. It took care of most of the snot that comes with a cold. Coughing was to a minimum but I still had to rely on peppermint to sooth my throat. I put those left over candy canes to good use.
Erin has been feeling a little off the last couple of days but she managed to stay in school all day yesterday. She had a slight fever and an ear ache. She is better now I think.
I have not felt like doing too much of anything except sleep, watch TV or play WOW.
I think this is the first real thing I have written in days. Comments at TCPalm don’t count. I am trying to get back to my happy place. Home is much better but I still have a much to consider as to what I need to do at work to be happy again.
Fred says I am unhappy because I can not control what happens at work. The nature of my job also has much to do with how I am feeling. I try very hard to let go but it seems the harder I try the more stressed I become. I try to be a leader and an a role model because I do have control over who I am and how I behave but I think maybe that has even become too much. Fred asked me if there was anyone at work that I trusted and I could only think of two people. I guess that is good better than no one but still I don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to them about how I feel.
I have pondered over resigning as an assistant because I don’t feel like I am accomplishing anything any more. I like training because I do feel like I am doing something constructive but then I feel burnt out. I have 14 years of this job and I still like it most days, love no, but I do enjoy what I do. I want nothing more than to make it better for everyone but it seems like the harder I try the less I accomplish and the angrier I become. I am at a loss I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.
All I know is that I am tired of feeling angry, tired of feeling unappreciated, tired of feeling betrayed. I am tired of feeling sick and tired.
I was bad and took two days off from work. I think the stress in fact I know the stress from there just makes it worse not to mention the building itself. It may not be a sick building but it is damn near close. We spread germs around that building like a bag of chips. My new best friend is ‘Mucinex’. I would have been absolutely miserable without it. It took care of most of the snot that comes with a cold. Coughing was to a minimum but I still had to rely on peppermint to sooth my throat. I put those left over candy canes to good use.
Erin has been feeling a little off the last couple of days but she managed to stay in school all day yesterday. She had a slight fever and an ear ache. She is better now I think.
I have not felt like doing too much of anything except sleep, watch TV or play WOW.
I think this is the first real thing I have written in days. Comments at TCPalm don’t count. I am trying to get back to my happy place. Home is much better but I still have a much to consider as to what I need to do at work to be happy again.
Fred says I am unhappy because I can not control what happens at work. The nature of my job also has much to do with how I am feeling. I try very hard to let go but it seems the harder I try the more stressed I become. I try to be a leader and an a role model because I do have control over who I am and how I behave but I think maybe that has even become too much. Fred asked me if there was anyone at work that I trusted and I could only think of two people. I guess that is good better than no one but still I don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to them about how I feel.
I have pondered over resigning as an assistant because I don’t feel like I am accomplishing anything any more. I like training because I do feel like I am doing something constructive but then I feel burnt out. I have 14 years of this job and I still like it most days, love no, but I do enjoy what I do. I want nothing more than to make it better for everyone but it seems like the harder I try the less I accomplish and the angrier I become. I am at a loss I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.
All I know is that I am tired of feeling angry, tired of feeling unappreciated, tired of feeling betrayed. I am tired of feeling sick and tired.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Gonna be a bear.
In this life I am a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear.
When you’re a bear you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I can do that.
Before you hibernate you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I can do that.
When you’re a girl bear you birth your children (who are the size of a walnut) while you’re sleeping and wake up to partially grown cute cuddly cubs. I can definitely do that.
If you’re a momma bear everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I can do that.
If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yep, gonna be a bear!
Original Author Unknown and I did twaek it just a little. Enjoy!!!!
When you’re a bear you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I can do that.
Before you hibernate you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I can do that.
When you’re a girl bear you birth your children (who are the size of a walnut) while you’re sleeping and wake up to partially grown cute cuddly cubs. I can definitely do that.
If you’re a momma bear everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I can do that.
If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yep, gonna be a bear!
Original Author Unknown and I did twaek it just a little. Enjoy!!!!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
2007
It is hard to believe that it is 2007. I probably say this every year but I can’t believe I have made it this long. The world was supposed to implode; we would be invaded by aliens, the second coming of Christ, or when Florida and California both sunk back into the ocean. I have a few more but at 42 I don’t think I want to tempt fate too much.
I celebrated New Years by sleeping all day. I never left the house and vegetated. Fred and I had a nice long conversation and I think we will be able to finally get through this little hic cup we’ve been having. My life is not perfect by any means and I hesitated to write anything at all about my marriage but then again most people have no problems bragging about how good one’s life is so why can’t we talk about what is not right. Fred and I usually get along well enough we have much in common but we are also very hard headed. Sometimes that gets in the way but I am hoping we are beyond that now at least on this current incident. There will always be new things in our future that we will disagree upon.
I was up early this morning and went straight to Home Depot. I love Hope Depot. The girls and I wandered through the garden area searching for plants for the back yard. We found nothing. It is still too early. I want 2 Don Juan rose bushes to plant in the back yard and it is time to pull up the pineapples. Only one plant actually produced fruit but we have a sneaky suspicion Cujo tried to play with it because we found it knocked over last week. Cujo likes his toys and I can believe he thought the pineapple was there as his personal chew toy. You’d be amazed at what that dog will chew on.
Anyway I bought 2 bags of top soil and 6 more bags of mulch. I am trying to repair and fill in the trenches that my dogs seem to enjoy digging. To look at some of the holes you would think they were trying to dig to China. I think it was 2 weeks ago I used the mulch technique. It has not completely stopped the digging but it has slowed them down. I fill the hole with mulch and they are less likely to dig in that spot again. Today I made and new flower bed and mulched around the back door. The dogs are dragging in so much dirt it is unbelievable. I may have to mulch the entire back yard………….maybe not but it was a thought.
Shopping later on this afternoon and some minor cleaning will finish out my day. The kids go back to school tomorrow so I will have the house to myself again. This also means no sleep for me for the next two weeks. I go back to day shift on the 17th month; I am looking forward to getting back to a regular schedule. It will be nice to be able to sleep all night. It’s the work that will suck. I get to go back to the rat race of day time life the only thing good about day shift is it goes by pretty quick.
I celebrated New Years by sleeping all day. I never left the house and vegetated. Fred and I had a nice long conversation and I think we will be able to finally get through this little hic cup we’ve been having. My life is not perfect by any means and I hesitated to write anything at all about my marriage but then again most people have no problems bragging about how good one’s life is so why can’t we talk about what is not right. Fred and I usually get along well enough we have much in common but we are also very hard headed. Sometimes that gets in the way but I am hoping we are beyond that now at least on this current incident. There will always be new things in our future that we will disagree upon.
I was up early this morning and went straight to Home Depot. I love Hope Depot. The girls and I wandered through the garden area searching for plants for the back yard. We found nothing. It is still too early. I want 2 Don Juan rose bushes to plant in the back yard and it is time to pull up the pineapples. Only one plant actually produced fruit but we have a sneaky suspicion Cujo tried to play with it because we found it knocked over last week. Cujo likes his toys and I can believe he thought the pineapple was there as his personal chew toy. You’d be amazed at what that dog will chew on.
Anyway I bought 2 bags of top soil and 6 more bags of mulch. I am trying to repair and fill in the trenches that my dogs seem to enjoy digging. To look at some of the holes you would think they were trying to dig to China. I think it was 2 weeks ago I used the mulch technique. It has not completely stopped the digging but it has slowed them down. I fill the hole with mulch and they are less likely to dig in that spot again. Today I made and new flower bed and mulched around the back door. The dogs are dragging in so much dirt it is unbelievable. I may have to mulch the entire back yard………….maybe not but it was a thought.
Shopping later on this afternoon and some minor cleaning will finish out my day. The kids go back to school tomorrow so I will have the house to myself again. This also means no sleep for me for the next two weeks. I go back to day shift on the 17th month; I am looking forward to getting back to a regular schedule. It will be nice to be able to sleep all night. It’s the work that will suck. I get to go back to the rat race of day time life the only thing good about day shift is it goes by pretty quick.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Redemption......
I am feeling a little better today. Mind you today could be worse but so far it is bearable. A few small obstacles today that only a paycheck can fix but tomorrow, pay day, will be here soon enough. I hate being broke but if I get real desperate I can always turn in my winning lottery tickets all of $6 if I remember correctly or maybe I’ll just turn them in for more lottery scratch off’s. I could win something big maybe……..or most likely not.
I am trying not to catch something so I tried to sleep in late. Of course the dogs woke me at 6am, I let them out for about 15 minutes then back to bed. I slept past 9am and felt a little better. I still have the little tickle in my throat but it seems only slight now. I went to my computer and read my mail as is my usual routine when I wake up and found a pleasant surprise. Redemption, there is integrity in the world. With the way things have been going lately I had assumed that another ‘incident’ would be swept under the rug. I was wrong and I am glad. I feel better knowing that the world has not completely lost its mind nor have I.
I am trying not to catch something so I tried to sleep in late. Of course the dogs woke me at 6am, I let them out for about 15 minutes then back to bed. I slept past 9am and felt a little better. I still have the little tickle in my throat but it seems only slight now. I went to my computer and read my mail as is my usual routine when I wake up and found a pleasant surprise. Redemption, there is integrity in the world. With the way things have been going lately I had assumed that another ‘incident’ would be swept under the rug. I was wrong and I am glad. I feel better knowing that the world has not completely lost its mind nor have I.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
The day after Christmas....
I survived Christmas 2006, it was tough but I made it. Five more days to go before the New Year, I can't wait. A New Year and fresh plate time to slough off the old and bring on the new. I have had so many great things happen but at the same time I have been more disappointed than I can recall in a long time.
I feel better than I have in years but this has bought on a whole new set of problems. Change no matter how good you think it is only cause’s problems. I think I was a Lemming there for a long time, too exhausted, tired and sick to protest I went along with the crowd. I'd have a burp every once in a while raise my head growl my discontent only to lay my head down and go back to sleep. Sleep is good. I am good at it.
I'm awake now and no longer a Lemming. I am deeply disturbed by things that I once let slide because it was easier that way. I have let my children slide for years only to discover I have raised a bunch of slobs. They are good kids but OMG they are lazy at times. Needless to say I have put my foot down and they are getting better but there is room for much improvement. I am including myself here because there are many days I ignore the laundry completely. I hate laundry I truly do.
I have let my husband take advantage of me. I can not blame him totally because he like my children push the limits to see how far they can go and I have let him go to far I think. I am trying to pull back hard on the reins now and he is fighting me for all he is worth. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just call it quits sometimes it is just too much but I do not know how to stop loving him after 20 years and I don’t really want to. I do hate him sometimes because he can be so selfish but I have to take much of the blame. Don’t get me wrong he is a great father, a good man in general but he is a man. I created the monster so now what do I do. I miss my best friend.
I can’t think about work right now. I like the people I work with most of the time but we all have our moments. I am having one of those moments. I'll get over it or I'll find another job. 2007 is a new year so I guess we will see.
I have ranted enough I think this is way more personal than I usually date to write but I do have a good life and most times I am happy. I was skipped over for promotion last month and it has affected more than I imagined. A good slap in the face will wake you up but now I am pissed off by what I see and I am not sure what I should do. I just know I can’t hide my head in the dirt anymore. I am hoping I will start to feel better with the coming of the New Year. I don’t want to feel used anymore or taken advantage of. I think next year I will change the way I do things and maybe I need to quit taking so much of the blame.
I feel better than I have in years but this has bought on a whole new set of problems. Change no matter how good you think it is only cause’s problems. I think I was a Lemming there for a long time, too exhausted, tired and sick to protest I went along with the crowd. I'd have a burp every once in a while raise my head growl my discontent only to lay my head down and go back to sleep. Sleep is good. I am good at it.
I'm awake now and no longer a Lemming. I am deeply disturbed by things that I once let slide because it was easier that way. I have let my children slide for years only to discover I have raised a bunch of slobs. They are good kids but OMG they are lazy at times. Needless to say I have put my foot down and they are getting better but there is room for much improvement. I am including myself here because there are many days I ignore the laundry completely. I hate laundry I truly do.
I have let my husband take advantage of me. I can not blame him totally because he like my children push the limits to see how far they can go and I have let him go to far I think. I am trying to pull back hard on the reins now and he is fighting me for all he is worth. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just call it quits sometimes it is just too much but I do not know how to stop loving him after 20 years and I don’t really want to. I do hate him sometimes because he can be so selfish but I have to take much of the blame. Don’t get me wrong he is a great father, a good man in general but he is a man. I created the monster so now what do I do. I miss my best friend.
I can’t think about work right now. I like the people I work with most of the time but we all have our moments. I am having one of those moments. I'll get over it or I'll find another job. 2007 is a new year so I guess we will see.
I have ranted enough I think this is way more personal than I usually date to write but I do have a good life and most times I am happy. I was skipped over for promotion last month and it has affected more than I imagined. A good slap in the face will wake you up but now I am pissed off by what I see and I am not sure what I should do. I just know I can’t hide my head in the dirt anymore. I am hoping I will start to feel better with the coming of the New Year. I don’t want to feel used anymore or taken advantage of. I think next year I will change the way I do things and maybe I need to quit taking so much of the blame.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
I'm Broke
I need a better paying job because it’s Friday night and I am broke. Maybe rob a bank or winning the lottery would be more likely at this point but I can wish. I feel like I shopped all day even though my daughters were nice enough to have me home and back in my bed by 1 pm this afternoon. (I worked all night.) I was back up at 6pm after several interruptions chauffeuring my daughters to the firehouse then spending a few moments with my friends. I was invited to a Christmas Party at the Daly’s but I had to leave before 10 pm because I had to chauffeur my daughters back home. Poor Fred has work all day so I know he will be either wound up or exhausted when he gets home. He wont be happy to know we are broke but he should be satisfied that I purchased all his requested presents before funds ran out. We maybe eating Cornish hens with canned vegetables for Christmas Dinner if I am not careful. There is a little money in savings but I really don’t want to touch it. Money is so hard to save there always seems to be an emergency.
I didn’t forget about myself this year, I did go shopping last week but I remember why I hate shopping and only bought a nice black business jacket. I broke down today and bought myself new bras the expensive Victoria Secret ones. Poor Beth is busting out all over so I had her in the store with a clerk for almost an hour trying on bras until we found ones that she liked. They did not have her size in the store which turned out to be a good thing for me. I found them on line at a cheaper price and was able to order her an extra bra and free shipping. She’s 14 and wears a cup size smaller than me. If she doesn’t stop growing here soon I see a breast reduction in her future. Erin appears to be following in her foot steps. They don’t get this from me I was a charter member of the IBTC until my first pregnancy. I think I will blame Fred and the Pate genes for this one they are more like their Aunt Jennifer than me in that aspect.
I still need glasses but I will wait until after first of the year. I can still type without too much difficulty but I can’t read the small print in books anymore. If I strain my eyes too much anymore my vision becomes blurry and I get head aches so no reading small print or quilting until I get new shades. Getting old really bites but what do you do? I know get contacts and find a really great plastic surgeon which brings me back to I’m broke but in 3 more days this will all be over with.
The picture above is called 'Sunrise over St Mark's'
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