I survived Christmas 2006, it was tough but I made it. Five more days to go before the New Year, I can't wait. A New Year and fresh plate time to slough off the old and bring on the new. I have had so many great things happen but at the same time I have been more disappointed than I can recall in a long time.
I feel better than I have in years but this has bought on a whole new set of problems. Change no matter how good you think it is only cause’s problems. I think I was a Lemming there for a long time, too exhausted, tired and sick to protest I went along with the crowd. I'd have a burp every once in a while raise my head growl my discontent only to lay my head down and go back to sleep. Sleep is good. I am good at it.
I'm awake now and no longer a Lemming. I am deeply disturbed by things that I once let slide because it was easier that way. I have let my children slide for years only to discover I have raised a bunch of slobs. They are good kids but OMG they are lazy at times. Needless to say I have put my foot down and they are getting better but there is room for much improvement. I am including myself here because there are many days I ignore the laundry completely. I hate laundry I truly do.
I have let my husband take advantage of me. I can not blame him totally because he like my children push the limits to see how far they can go and I have let him go to far I think. I am trying to pull back hard on the reins now and he is fighting me for all he is worth. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just call it quits sometimes it is just too much but I do not know how to stop loving him after 20 years and I don’t really want to. I do hate him sometimes because he can be so selfish but I have to take much of the blame. Don’t get me wrong he is a great father, a good man in general but he is a man. I created the monster so now what do I do. I miss my best friend.
I can’t think about work right now. I like the people I work with most of the time but we all have our moments. I am having one of those moments. I'll get over it or I'll find another job. 2007 is a new year so I guess we will see.
I have ranted enough I think this is way more personal than I usually date to write but I do have a good life and most times I am happy. I was skipped over for promotion last month and it has affected more than I imagined. A good slap in the face will wake you up but now I am pissed off by what I see and I am not sure what I should do. I just know I can’t hide my head in the dirt anymore. I am hoping I will start to feel better with the coming of the New Year. I don’t want to feel used anymore or taken advantage of. I think next year I will change the way I do things and maybe I need to quit taking so much of the blame.
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