Thursday, December 31, 2009

Reflecting 2009.

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This seems to be an ongoing theme with me which is odd because I like to think of myself as an optimist so reflecting on the past may not seem so optimistic however, I know that before I move on I need to learn from the past so I choose this day to reflect and embrace all that is good in my life.

I am grateful to my children and adopted children who have made my life so rich. The fact that my children have grown so much this year really scares me. They are turning into wonderful adults and I have had to face the fact that they will soon be leaving me. I contemplate more often what my life will be like when they are all on their own and it’s just me, hubby and the dogs. I know with the support of my husband and best friend, I will somehow survive. Of course there are grandchildren to look forward to in the coming years. Just not Yet!!!!

I am proud to say that I have actually completed a few things this year. I did lose my projected 10 pounds for the year but managed to gain it back. However, I can’t stand the taste of coke anymore and I rarely eat candy bars. I still love my ice cream but I eat it less frequently than before. (We won’t discuss my chocolate milk shake issue.) I still love my Starbucks but I settle for Grande instead of Venti. I occasionally skip the appetizer when we eat out. I prefer to be full and not stuffed. I eat lots of tuna and have added more dairy to my diet. We created a home gym this year now I need to use it. I am trying to be more careful with what I consume as diabetes is right around the corner and it scares me.

This year, I have learned a lot about Aquaponics and have succeeded in creating a small but successful water garden. I can grow arugula and oregano like nobody’s business. My fish are healthy and happy but I really need to clean out the tank. I am checking into composting seems it goes hand and hand with gardening. I all can say to that is Yuk worms but we’ll see.

As for work–my job-my chosen profession, I still have those days when I would rather pull out my fingernails than go to work although they seem to get fewer and farther apart. I am trying harder to think of the pain in the ass issues as a challenge to be overcome. I can see that there are some issues that I cannot overcome now so I have put them way and will save them for another time and another battle. I am learning to play the game in my own way I guess. I am also trying to be nicer and more understanding but have noticed my patience often correlates to how much over time I work. Too much over time leaves me tired and cranky which is not a good combination. Tired, cranky and sick makes for a bad day all around and means I should stay home in bed instead of dealing with idiots. I may keep my job longer too. Write ups suck and too many will get you fired. Nuff said.

To my co-works, my shift in particular, thank you for a wonderful year. I am so looking forward to another year of friendship and camaraderie in 2010.

I have found some wonderful friends this year. It is not so much that I found them but that I have finally allowed myself to let them in. I want to thank all my friends for making 2009 a great year for me and thank you for including me in your life even if it is only on the internet. I love Facebook it makes me feel more social but on the other hand I’m on the computer all the time playing games. Sigh…. Thanks in general for being there and supporting me when I felt all my hard work was for nothing. Thanks for letting me know that even in a small way I am making a difference. Thanks for making me take the photography class. It was a little disappointing for me at the end but I learned so much.

I have discovered a lot about myself and that I am not so much detail oriented as I thought but I can learn to be depending on the project. It’s like any other learning experience I should say. Practice makes perfect, so I will practice more. I am still a little set in my ways but I am working on improving that. I am still a stickler for rules but it is more obvious that sometimes rules were made to be broken and sometimes you have to. Sometimes you have to improvise to make sure what is suppose to be right is also fair. I am trying hard to look at both sides of every problem. It has made me more cautious of late and gives me time to think instead of react. Not always but more often. Being “fair” is so important to me lately.

I know I have a difficult and challenging year ahead of me. Our life will change drastically and I am doing my best to prepare for it. All I can do is hope that all I have done in the past will make it easier and that in the end everything will turn out the way it is suppose to. Fate can be a bitch sometimes.

Happy New Years!